he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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