i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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