WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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