great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
