keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
