Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
