I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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