Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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