She announced her abortion via fbk
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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