At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
