He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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