My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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