Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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