just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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