I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
