i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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