Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The beer is more important than you right now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
