I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
