Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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