cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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