I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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