I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
