ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
