i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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