Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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