is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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