very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
