This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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