I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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