Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sorry my hands just texted you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
