So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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