I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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