Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
