Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
