i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
