Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
