i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
