Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
