What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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