Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
