Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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