bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
