so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
