i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
