And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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