the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
