you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
