I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
