Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
organizing the empties. That sober.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
