i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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