I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
